Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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