I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
