had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
