Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
