My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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