glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize