when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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