The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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