You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize