she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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