and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
false alarm. still invincible.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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