The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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