she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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