May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
