Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
