he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
