I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
