Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
