He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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