This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
