I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
