I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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