I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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