I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My hand turned me down
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
