YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
