You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
