I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
