kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize