You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
