I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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