I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
