i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
