We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
