I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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