okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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