Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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