So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
the liver wants what the liver wants
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize