I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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