My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
