Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
