Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
