It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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