two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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