I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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