I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
