You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
