He is an equal opportunity slut.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
