We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
