Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
only you would photoshop your dick
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
