ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
