dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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