There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
