tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
