I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
