dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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