Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
