Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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