She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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