ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
