Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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