My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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