Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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