I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Enjoy the penises
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
