Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
