I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
