so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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