I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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