get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
