i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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