just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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