WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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