if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
