so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize