I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
